Translating Pensions

Well done to Louise Farrand of Pensions Insight for her blog on pension phrases she would ban. I agree ‘On-Boarding’ is not a verb and never should be!

It got me thinking…..

How do non-pension people understand the jargon we throw at them? Maybe they don’t.

Here’s my own selection of pension phrases that may have very different meanings for the population at large. There’s a few you may have to think about first. Any more suggestions?


Abatement – A posh flat

Accrual – The opposite of kind

Actuaries - Flying performers

Amortisation – French for love on a train

Blended – A milk shake

Commutation – Travelling to work

Concurrency – A payment method using large shells

Discontinuance Basis – How shops sell end of line products

Fiduciary – Fido’s friend sees Harry (think about it….)

Glide path – Slipping over on a night out with the lads

Longevity Swap – Exchanging time share apartments

Middleware – Clothes worn in Lord of the Rings

Mortality Drag – Dangerous car racing

Offsetting – Losing at tennis

Pre-Crystallisation – Going into a jewellers shop

QROPS – Wheat

Tactical Asset Allocation – Winning on a games show

Targeted Return – Winning on a games show

Time Weighted Return – Getting fat

Wrap – From Pret

Yield – Wrestling manoeuvre

Zombie Fund – Clothes purchased for Emo wardrobe